I guess i am lost (not a cry for help)

What do you say when you try to sleep at night when God is looking over you? Thank you for looking over me and guiding me. I just feel lost, I dream every night hoping to awake and be free of the human world. I guess it is because I always feel like I am on the outside of the world of man. I ask each night while dream of a empty land I stand in or a church sitting in one of the rows. What is my purpose here? But not a answer comes, I know we are to find it on our own but hearing everyone give answers does not put you comer to your own. People think of you crazy when you want to escape. Answers lead to questions and again questions upon questions there is no one answer to a question. So what do you do? Do you just keep stepping away or just kneel and take the beating. I have come to see my self as a overseer of what goes on but I guess I choice not to be part of a world that just does fine destroying its self with out me. But the one thing that is always real is the pain of losing someone you love or wishing not to be alone but I know no one in this world  could come to love me the way I wish to be loved. But I am not the only one out there standing in the background. They like me see and are powerless to do anything. We just stand there until we can one day fade away to a better destiny with peace at the end of the road plus a loving family and our family from here too in this world. Does God have a plan for us?  Only time will tell, I just hope we don't have to make a hard choice that we have to live with?  Where do we stand on the battle field?  Can we reach up to be saved or ?  Like I said before I guess I am lost. For this feeling comes and goes.               IX